stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
