he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
