So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
