Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
