Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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