I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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