So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
