I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
