I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
