I am spending my child support on dildos
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
