There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
