...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
A+ Viking dick
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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