I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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