I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
