I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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