I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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