You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
