i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
