He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
