I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
