i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
