the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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