Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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