You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
