my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
