Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
