i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
