I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
