The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
