Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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