I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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