I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
