he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
