P.S. I can't hear my feet
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
