cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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