kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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