In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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