I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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