Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
