She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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