what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The air was thick with penises
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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