I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
