Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
