Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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