What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
