your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
