I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
