the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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