i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
