Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
