you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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