You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
