How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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