Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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