whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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