Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
