Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
