what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
